508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
