I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
