And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
