Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
