those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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