i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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