i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
