neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
