So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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