So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
