All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
