there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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