heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
