Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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