Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
