she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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