therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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