he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
God gave him joint rollers for hands
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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