Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
