After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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