That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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