Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
