every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
