It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
