You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
