Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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