last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
