i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize