Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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