season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
