We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
