oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize