The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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