My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
