Please, let me fuck your mom
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
