there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
