Pants 0. Shit 1.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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