I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
