I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
