It's Friday. Sex?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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