We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
