Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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