It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
