So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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