dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
