my soul wont recognize me after tonight
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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