I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Randomize
