I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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