We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
