I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
