I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
