well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
