This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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