i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
