hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The adults are the big ones right?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
