i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
