Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The best revenge is premature balding
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
