90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
only you would photoshop your dick
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
