I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
