i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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