Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
