I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
