i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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