Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
