I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The Olympian is in my bed
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
