wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
