im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
