True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
